Open Your Eyes

     I  have just started a Bible study over the book "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  The first chapter has been truly eye opening for me.  I have been going through a lot of uncertainty and depression over how my life has turned out.  When you get used to life the way it was for so long, and then it completely changes, it really takes some getting used to.  I love my children and enjoy the laughter they bring to my life, but felt so lonely once they were in bed.  I have realized my pain and loneliness is only the Devil trying to get at me.  Yes, my life has changed drastically, but it's not over.  I have found a peace with life.  It may not be what I had dreamed of, but I have a good life.  Two wonderful kids, great parents, loving sisters and brother-in-laws, awesome friends, a church that loves us,  much better than I deserve.  God has provided and all I have been doing is feeling so sorry for what I didn't have.
     I also have decided to try and give light into other lives.  It may be just a smile, but I need to be about my Father's business.  I don't know how long before He comes, but I want to give back to those in need of a few blessings.  Death does not have to be the end.  Those living can make it what you choose.  If you want to be a sad, depressed, hurt individuals the rest of your life, then get ready to be alone.  Who wants to be with a person that hates life?  I want my kids to remember their childhood with fondness.  Their mom was awesome and had a bunch of fun.  Not that their mom closed up into a shell after their dad passed away.  I choose to teach them about tent camping.  (one of Phil's favorite activities)  Not necessarily my favorite, but Phil would only take us when it was too cold to be pleasant.    I want them to know how to do things in the woods.  How to start fires with kindling.  I may be goggling a bunch of things, but here goes nothing.  I have opened my eyes!

           
                               
               
                "Open my eyes so I can examine the wonders of your Instruction." - Psalm 199:18
   

Time to Laugh and Dance

     The past few weeks have been busy for my family.  We have had several winter storms and we went to Mississippi to visit my sister, Dawn.  She informed us that her and her husband were expecting twins.  Our family is very excited for blessed news times two!  My daughter is just beside herself with excitement and would move in with my sister if I would let her.  Our very first cousins on my side of the family, so I can see why Anna is ecstatic.
     I have been reading a lot of Christian romance novels lately and watching Hallmark.  I probably should cut it out, since it usually makes me miss Phil.  One movie I watched had a very good quote that made me really think.  The quote was, "If you live long enough, and lose enough people, you learn to appreciate the memories you have and stop begrudging the ones you never got to make."  I have been struggling with memories that I will not have with Phil.  Feeling sorry for my kids and the time they didn't get to have with their Dad.  Our families' memories are really great and we had some of the best ones right before we lost Phil.  I didn't know that God could talk through a movie to me until that night.  I feel so much like a kid in those moments when I realize that I should have known that.
     Hopefully we will begin having more spring like weather and I will be able to start preparing for  our garden.  I have several spring projects around the house and will try and remember to take some pictures.  I have been reading Ecclesiastes and remembered a passage that just touches me every time I hear it.   I pray that my time to laugh and dance comes soon.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:  " There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:  A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear down and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."