Transitions

     I haven't written in a while for several reasons.  I went through a period of grief that just didn't allow me to have words.  I am beginning to transition into being a single, stay at home mom.  It hasn't been easy and I have had many hard days.  I am somewhat seeing a pattern of normal.  We begin our days with school and I keep up with my household duties in the afternoon.  I am still trying to take care of paperwork and selling horses.  I was able to sell all the horses that I wanted to sell.  Huge check mark off my list.  I am trying my best to organize and move everything to my new house so that I am not scattered everywhere.  I am a scatter brain, but at least all of my stuff will be in one place.
     I still cannot figure out why God gave so much physical strength to men.  I have needed brute strength on a few projects and just cannot finish without help.  I absolutely hate to ask for help.  (I am hard headed.)  I am getting by with each day, except for my lawn mower being on the brink.  I have had a few words with that lawn mower.  Thankfully, our Texas weather is cooling and my grass is slowing down with growing and needing to be mowed once a week.  I am considering having a small barn put up for the two horses I am keeping.  My kiddos have been begging to learn to ride.  That is one thing that Phil and I liked together.  I keep putting it off, but hope to dust off my spurs and saddle and see how my mare, Kate, rides. I can't recall how long its been since she has been ridden.  I will probably need my riding helmet.
     One thing that is odd to me on this journey of grief, is how similar it is to a time in my past.  At 17, I lost my cousin in a car wreck who was like a brother.  How I hurt for his loss.  I remember staring out of my parents living room window at our back yard for what seemed like hours.  I have been staring out my window again.  This time my window, in my house, at my pasture.  I look at the place where I remember seeing Phil one of the last times before he became sick.  I told my mom that exactly one year after I lost my cousin, I met Phil.  God had placed Phil in my life at the very time I needed someone to help me move through my grief.  I know that God has placed many people in my path over these past 9 months.  God never ceases to amaze me at His all knowing power.