Friday, December 18, 2015


I have had lots to write about, but have found the fall to be busier than summer.  Now that we are finished with school for Christmas, I am finding some free time to finish up some projects I started this summer.  I had to write about my mice encounter.  Sometimes my life can be just down right funny without my kids doing a thing.  In October, I finally got up the courage to finish going through the very last thing that Phil owned, his tool trailer.  For some reason this object has been the hardest.  I just parked it to the side at my house and tried to forget its existence.  On this particular day, I dropped the kids off with my mom and decided to tackle the job all alone.  I have found that sometimes you just need the time to be able to cry without anyone around if you feel the need.  I was rocking along great, and had taken something in the barn to put in the tack room.  As I entered, I saw a tiny mouse running for cover.  That's not good.  I followed the little varmint and decided that I better clean this room out and see how bad the problem was really.  Usually if you see one, there is a friend.  I started cleaning and found three more running for cover.  At this point, I got mad.  I thought this is all I need.  I looked in the corner and saw my daughter's pink bat.  I thought this will take care of them.  Sometimes getting mad about something totally takes over our common sense of judgement.  For the next five minutes, I tried to hit the mice.  I finally stopped after I realized they were too fast for me.  I am sure my horses thought, what is she doing in there.  I called the voice of reason, my mother, and she said to just put out some traps.  (That wasn't satisfying enough when you find that they are making a nest in your saddle.)  I did end up taking care of my problem, but did laugh out loud at how funny I probably looked trying to hit the mice with a bright pink bat.  
     Later that month, I thought about a lesson I should learn from having mice in my tack room.  As Christians and women, we tend to try and take care of problems as soon as they arrive.  I definitely have the "I'll fix it" mentality.  At that moment I really had to just stop and pray.  I have been just taking care of situations in my life instead of praying and letting God handle them.  I guess I needed mice to wake me up a little.  Isn't it funny what God can use to speak to His children.  

Friday, September 18, 2015

Busy Time

     Lately, I have been fairly busy trying to get our school year off to a good start and getting us back into a routine.  Schedule is very important to my household.  I am often asked how do I do it.  I wonder that question on a daily basis.  Keeping up with my home, land, and homeschooling my two children has become a more than full time job.  Having a set schedule and routine is key.  When I waiver from it in any fashion, my kids behavior reminds me.  
     Every year I come up with some kind of chore chart or new found something from the internet.  Nothing compares to this Mom just sitting down and personalizing your own.  I have found that my kids respond to a small allowance the best and privileges taken from them if not completed.  Screen time, TV or computer,  is a great starting zone of getting their attention.  When one person in our household doesn't help out, it means more work on all.  I have explained how important their help is to Mom and that I depend on them tremendously.  My kids love feeling important.
     I am trying to bring "fun" back into our family time.  I tend to get preoccupied with all that has to be completed in a day and forget to be spontaneous.  Kids don't need you to jump from an airplane, but maybe extend their bedtime by 20 minutes.  My kids want to ride horses all the time, so I am trying to make more time.  I realize my stress level drastically reduces when I have a little fun.  Being a widow, I think I tend to overcompensate for both parents when I need to remember one person can only do so much.  My kids will not like Mom being part of their fun forever, I must enjoy them while I am still considered "cool".
     I read a scripture that I felt really describes my path now.  Matthew 7:13-14: "Go in through the narrow gate.  The gate that leads to destruction is broad and the road wide, so many people enter through it.  But the gate that leads to life is narrow and the road difficult, so few people find it."  As  a younger widow, I am going down a path few people my age must travel.  Through my experience, God has given me the courage to embrace my path and not be scared to continue walking down it.  I trust in Him for the outcome.  Even though it is difficult, and no one close to me understands what I face daily, I will seek His will and not be afraid.  He is working and restoring happiness in my life.

"Cheap Fun"- courtesy of UPS

Monday, August 10, 2015

My Wedding Anniversary

     No matter how much time goes by, you still have those special dates that bring sadness.  My wedding anniversary is on Wednesday, August 12th.  We would have been married 15 years.  The could have been future plans still go through my mind at times.  The other day I was going though an old box of things and came across a huge stack of cards.  You guessed it, special cards from Phil.  (I tend to keep cards from everything).  I had to go through them and try to weed the stack to a more manageable amount to keep.  Wow, how the memories came back.  I even kept from shedding one tear.   I came across a poem Phil had written in our college English class.  I had been so proud that day because he had actually stayed awake and listened in class.  (Should have known better).  Phil had been diligently writing a poem for me.  After class he gave it to me and I still have it.  Instead of focusing on the time I didn't get to have on my anniversary, I am going to try and be thankful for the time I did have.  I sure have two amazing kids who are the best part of both of us.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Girl Time

      Recently, I had the chance to spend some quality time with my daughter, Anna.  She has always struggled more than her younger brother with missing her Dad.  Phil would always take her out on dates.  He would even dress up and she would wear her favorite Sunday dress.  I know she has missed those special evenings out.  We went shopping and even went to the spa, where she laughed hysterical at me having my eyebrows and lip waxed.  To top off her day out, she was able to see a friend's new puppy.  Spencer will be next as soon as I figure out where to take him.  Since they always have to share my attention, I think it really helps to have that one on one time.  Plus,  it's nice to be able to concentrate on just one.  Anna smiled more that day than I have seen in a while, and I got the best hug.  Best girl day ever!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

"JOY" - Just Overcome You

     A few mornings ago, the birds woke me up singing.  I looked at the clock and it was still early, so I snuggled back in the covers for a few more minutes.  I am not much of an early morning person.  I usually get up around 7, and it usually takes me at least my morning cup of coffee to be alive enough for my brain to function.  This morning waking up at 6, and then this coming through my head, I knew was the Holy Spirit.  The day before I had one of those frustrating days.  Nothing went right, the kids were arguing about anything and everything, I was having a "I just want to go back to bed day".  I even told my Mom, " I need to take off for about 20 days".  (Like that would ever happen.) 
     I hate it when The Lord answers me and it feels like I got a slap in the face.  The word "Joy" came into my mind.  My joy had been robbed the day before because I let it.  Nobody else was at fault, but me.  I needed to get my joy back, or "Just Overcome You".  He was so right, and how I needed this.  I have found that when I start letting my mind complain to myself, it just grows and grows until my day is shot and I am so unhappy.  I snap at the kids and just want to hide out away from life.  I want my days to be filled to the max and to hear my kids laugh.  I must live out my life filled with as much happiness as I can fit into the week.  I just desire to be the woman God has called me to be and the best mother.  Please don't let "you" rob your joy.

Psalm 95:1 - " Come, let us sing for joy to The Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation."

Monday, July 13, 2015

A New Calmness

      I don't know why my best thinking time always happens in my truck between my house and my parents.  Maybe because my kids are being somewhat quiet listening to their favorite Christian music, or because there is road work on my route.  Here lately it has added an extra 15 minutes of sitting still and waiting on the little pilot car to take you through the construction.  Whatever the reason, a little over a month ago it finally hit me.  Calmness.  I felt normal again.  Not just normal but I was enjoying my day.  I noticed my laughter was coming back, and I had actually gone a day or two without remembering my loss.
     For a brief second I thought this isn't right.  How can it be there one day so strongly and not the next?  What have I done differently?  Then, it was like I just knew the answer.  I had been praying for this for such a long time.  I wanted to feel like myself again and not hurt like this anymore.  God had answered my prayer.  Why had I ever doubted He would?  I guess this hurt was so great, I had somewhat thought it would never truly go away.  Yes, I still have sad moments and miss my husband and friend, but I really feel like life is finally looking up.  Now I smile and I mean it. 
Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

                   My sister's dog, Patch, enjoying the day and closing his eyes because of the breeze.  

Thursday, June 4, 2015

God Equips You

     The past few months have brought lots of rain here in Texas.  I can't remember the last time I have seen so much water.  The only problem I have had at my place is huge pot holes in my driveway.  During all the rain, I decided to build a horse barn the first of May ( oh, well).  I am so excited to finally finish this so I can move all of my things out of storage and have them at one location.  Maybe by the end of this year, I will be organized.  I can at least hope:)
     I have had an increased amount of yard work with all this rainfall, and seem to spend at least a whole day mowing and weed eating.  The other day during weed eating, I thought about how I am blessed.  Not to be weed eating, but blessed to know how to do the jobs I have to do being alone.  I always told God since loosing Phil, that he needed to have given me about a six month notice to let Phil teach me some more things.  I realized I know how to accomplish anything I need to do.  I can operate and grease the tractor, do minor repairs on my zero turn mower, blower, and weed eater.  I can fix things in the house, and have come to love WD-40.  I can paint, fix fence, put up electric fence, even shave my dog to save money (that was a huge undertaking that I wouldn't advise).  The best thing is with technology, I can "You Tube" or "Google" instructions on anything.  God did give me the knowledge I needed to get through this time.  I don't know why that came as such as shock for me, but I am moving forward.
     I still have my lonely times, like today, but have come to the conclusion to embrace this time.  I just recently returned from a quick trip with a friend, which gave me some much needed confidence.  This trip showed me that I can travel without a husband.  With GPS, I can go anywhere I need to go.  Upon returning home, I finally had the epiphany that I am going to be happy during this time of my life.  No, it is not what I wanted, dreamed of, or thought would ever happen.  If God would have asked me, I would have told Him that I wasn't strong enough for this.  Being the Creator of me, He knew I was.  He was well aware that I could make it through these days with Him.  If God has the confidence in me to do this, then I will have it too.  I want to enjoy my kids during this time, and have some fun.  They are growing so quickly, and I have to grow too.  Grow in strength, understanding, and motivation to step out and move on without Phil.  I will always love him and miss him, but I have to do this without him and raise our children how we wanted.  Raising them strong in the Lord and teach them as much as I possibly can, before I embarrass them and they don't want me around:)

Philippians 3:13-14: "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

"The carefree life of my dog"