One Year Mark

     January 26, 2014 marked my first year mark since Phil passed away.  I kept myself extremely busy and managed to go through the day without mishaps.  I thought things would be fine until Wednesday. I had a really hard day that made me remember the time right after his death.  My heart had not ached like that for several months.  I think for some reason I expected things to magically be alright by the second year.  All of my major decisions figured out and life finally getting back to normal.  That's not happening!  It is still hard to realize that I am the sole decision maker in the family.  I think when you have two people making the decisions, you know even if it was one person's fault for the error, the couple shares the repercussions of the mistake.  Now it's just me.
     I struggle with being lonely and trying to decide if I should stay living in the country with so much land to care for.  I know that it was my dream as well as his to live on land, but it's hard when the sole care of the place is all on you.   I pray and pray about these struggles, but God just stays quiet.  I have decided to just stay put and keep listening for His guidance.  (It sure is hard at times.)  I cannot force His hand to move prematurely.
     One good thing is that I am about to have the much needed yard sale.  I finally can see through to the other side of my storage building.  I even was able to come across our photo box without too much pain.  Maybe I can finally put together the photo book for the kids of their favorite pictures with their Dad.  My one hiccup that I can't seem to sell is Phil's horses.  I have three that I just cannot find a new home for.  It will happen in time.  God is definitely teaching me patience throughout my journey.  It has never been one of my strong virtues.

      "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

                                                                         Phil and me